When I became a college dropout I went to my friend’s dad who owns a car dealership. He sold high end cars at his place. There were Posche, Ferrari and Mercedes. I wanted to be a car salesman then, where my friend worked. He was my classmate in high school.

I begged for a job. I was desperate , and sure enough I got a job there. As a car wash boy- at that time when I got the job. I was grateful at all that someone was willing to take me in and put some food on my place. I was just young, erratic, dumb and ungrateful.

However, my friend and his dad never was always extremely kind to me. They at times got me my meals and occasionally took me out for nicer food. And in return, I did the dues to washing those cars in the showroom. It was tedious work and I did not enjoy it one bit. Did I tell you that I was also ungrateful.

Everyday I was trying to jump the queue and wanted to do something’s other than doing the job that was given to me. The lesson there which I failed to learn was to learning to listen, take orders and be a team player. Singing the same tune and wanting to succeed as a pack.

My friend worked there and I really enjoyed his company and more to that his kindness and willingness to be patient with me and teach me along the way. What I realised was that I only took and did not contribute as much. Once day, I was approached by some friends whom I made over the weekend. Conveniently they just work opposite the car showroom. The offered me a better paying job and at an office. I immediately took the offer.

The part I really messed up was the way I went to tell my friend’s dad, my boss of how I want to quit. I just said I’m not interested in working with him anymore and I won’t be coming in tomorrow. That’s it. There was no appreciation, no thanks and definitely no grace in leaving that wonderful establishment.

After that day I my relationship with that friend was never the same again. Till today I wished I had said more and did more as a friend but I realised I wasn’t as well mannered human then. I’ve tried many times to replay what and how I would speak to him about how things would be different but I never had the chance.

Since then as I grew older and grew aware of my actions, I have been working towards building that one nice friend that I should have been that day. A good friend that he was to me.

It’s never too late to be a good friend. Take good care of the kind ones around you and be involved with each other and help as much as you can where you can. Because good friends and easy to come by.

When people think of Plato, they often imagine abstract ideas—like the Forms, the soul, or the nature of justice. But Plato also had deep insights into one of life’s most essential experiences: friendship. To Plato, friendship was more than shared interests or casual company—it was a path to moral development, self-knowledge, and the good life.

1. Friendship as a Mirror of the Soul

In dialogues like Lysis, Phaedrus, and even The Republic, Plato explores what it means to be a true friend. He believed that true friendship is not about usefulness or pleasure alone, although those may play a part. Real friendship involves a recognition of goodness in the other person, and a desire to grow in goodness together.

In Lysis, Socrates questions two boys—Lysis and Menexenus—about what friendship really is. Is it based on similarity? On difference? On need? Ultimately, the dialogue ends in aporia (unanswered), but the suggestion is clear: true friendship is bound up with virtue, and with striving together for the good.

2. Love and Friendship in the Phaedrus

In Phaedrus, Plato draws a profound connection between love (especially between intellectual companions) and the soul’s ascent toward truth. In this dialogue, friendship is not only emotional, but also spiritual—it lifts the soul toward wisdom. The best kind of friendship, Plato suggests, is a philosophical one, where two people help each other remember what the soul once knew before it was born.

This is often seen as Plato’s ideal of friendship: a bond that’s rooted in shared pursuit of truth, beauty, and the good.

3. Friendship and the Just Society

In The Republic, Plato doesn’t speak of friendship directly, but the theme of community, justice, and unity echoes the values of deep friendship. A just society, like a true friendship, is built on mutual respect, harmony of purpose, and the cultivation of virtue.

Friends are not just people who agree with us—they are those who challenge us to be better. In that sense, Plato’s view of friendship is demanding. It requires honesty, moral effort, and shared commitment.

So if you wanna spill the tea, get a friend, however what if you’re going through a grief period. Your pet dog died, your favourite band broke up or worse you’ve got cancer or your spouse died. What then ?

In wanting to have friends, we are on an ongoing quest to be a good friend. Here’s what you should do if you or a friend of yours is going through some unspeakable grief. We hold space, we present ourselves as is and attempt to soothe what our friends are going through just by being there. No opinions, no suggestions just chill with them like any other day but being extra mindful of what they might say.

Holding space isn’t about an emergency CPR, it’s more like a first aid. We become ever so present and just hang out with them and try our best not to make the whole thing about us. We attempt to have casual chats and once in a while try to cue in when our opinions are needed, but mostly holding space is about cancelling whatever you’ve had planned for the day or the next few days and just be there for your friend instead.

Also to note, being a friend is an eternal servitude - you aren’t expecting for a pot of gold at the rainbow. You’re just sliding through it with the ups and downs like a gigantic rainbow slide.

Happy Sunday folks :)

When we were in kindergarten, we just step up to our then first day and introduce ourselves to each other and claim friendship there and then. Why can’t life be that easy you say ?

Actually, it is that easy. It’s just that these days, you’ll need a little bit of courage. Just step in and actually take the time to introduce yourself and claim your friendship.

making friends is not like casting an elaborate spell, it’s just a simple courtship. Think of the ways you’d be pleased if someone did some simple gestures to you. Here’s some that you might be surprised. Oh check out the first one it’s my favourite.

1. Tell them you’re happy that you’ve made friends with them. This may come as a surprise to them but their response will almost always warm you heart.

2. Be explicit about your intentions of wanting to hangout, say what you mean and feel. 100 years from now you might regret not doing so after you’ve lived to being a 100 years old. But you still have a chance. So do it now.

3. Randomly drop your favourite humans a short text that’s not about the weather or job but actually say you’ve missed their company or how much fun you had yesterday hanging out with them.

4. Buy them a lemonade or boba tea. You can be sure what sort of coffee most people drink these days. Get a few random flavours so they get to choose amongst each other.

5. Ask them what they want for their birthdays, some might actually tell you.

6. Once in a while, ask for a hug just because - make sure it lasts for 4 seconds.

7. Go on a hike together or visit an art museum.

8. Talk. Just start something knowing you can’t finish it. Knowing you’d be able to talk about it again.

There more from where that list came from but all I wanna leave you with today is. If your intentions is wanting to be good friends and make more. You’re always bound to succeed.

Btw, we’re already friends. Thank you for reading.

Loneliness: A Silent Health Crisis

Loneliness isn't just emotionally painful—it’s physically dangerous. Studies suggest that chronic loneliness can harm your health as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Yet, friendship is hard to quantify. How many friends do we really have? And more importantly, how many of them are close friends we can truly rely on?

Friendship is often undervalued in public discourse, yet it plays a critical role in our well-being. Unlike work or romantic relationships, true friendship is a non-transactional bond—one that ancient philosophers like Aristotle believed to be the purest form of human connection.

Why Is This Happening?

Several social shifts are contributing to the friendship recession:

• Geographic Mobility: We move more often, chasing careers and opportunities, leaving social ties behind.

• Parenting Overload: Parents, especially in modern societies, dedicate increasing amounts of time to their children, leaving less time for friends.

• Workism: Our identities are deeply tied to our work, often at the cost of personal connections.

• Relationship Breakdowns: As couples separate, shared friendship networks often dissolve.

The Hidden Costs of Losing Friends

When we lose friends, we don’t just lose emotional support—we lose access to opportunities, information, and even better health. Friendships protect us from mental health struggles and physical decline. In contrast, chronic loneliness can lead to sadness, social isolation, and long-term health risks.

A Call to Reinvest in Friendship

As traditional social structures like marriage, religion, and local communities become less central in many lives, friendships must fill the gap. They offer not just companionship, but life-sustaining support networks that help us thrive.

Reeves’ talk is a timely reminder: Friendship isn’t optional—it’s essential.

So what can you do to address this ? Here`s just a few steps

1. Schedule a Friendship Check-in - Call, text or send a voice note.

2. Start Showing Up Regularly - make the effort to join them or plan for simple hangouts. Like playing pickleball, running at the park, cafe hoping or simply haning out and doing nothing. You can even go for some boardgames or TCG games like Pokemon or MTG.

3. Be the Initiator - be courageous. Most might reject you - keep trying and you`ll eventually find those that always answer your call.

4. Limit Passive Screen Time - that doom scrolling for those that dont get it. Set a time limit on apps that you get drifted away - like Tiktok, Instagram or Facebook.

5. Practice Micro-Connections - Smile at a neighbor, chat with a colleague, or exchange a few words with a fellow gym-goer. These small, regular social interactions can slowly strengthen your social fabric. Like even wishing good morning to strangers when you head out for a walk or jog.

Good luck my friends, Im always here for you.

Thompson points to several reasons for this anti-social drift:

• Technology has made it easier to connect without physical presence but harder to build meaningful connections.

• Remote work has reduced casual social encounters.

• Urban sprawl and long commutes create logistical barriers to spontaneous meetups.

• The pandemic accelerated isolation and many never fully bounced back.

• Economic pressure makes people work more and rest less, pushing social time even further down the list.

• Cultural shifts have made adult friendship feel optional, not essential.

Friendship is as vital to health and happiness as research shows, here`s what can we do about this drift.

Being a (good) Friend.

1. Schedule Friendship Like Work
   Treat time with friends as non-negotiable. Block it off on your calendar like any other important commitment. Like a play date, go out for some beers or coffee - or even an art musuem. The trick here is to hangout in person - and not as much just online.

2. Be the Initiator
   Don’t wait for someone else to reach out. Take the first step—send that message or make the plan. It actually really difficult to do this and it never gets easier but try and try again. Remember at the rate anyone`s going they lose friends every year. So step up and call a friend - Initiate.

3. Create & Repeat Rituals
   Establish regular traditions, like a monthly dinner or weekend walk, so friendship becomes a rhythm, not an effort. Like having weekend pickleball at a totally different spot or cooking together for brunch. You can even plan a day to the public swimming pool.

4. Be Honest About Loneliness
   Talk openly about disconnection. Real friendship often begins when someone is brave enough to admit they need it. We struggled with this, we say we miss them by name calling our friends or throw a vague hint that we are lonely. The best possible way is to honest about it - vocalise your lonelyness and brace yourself.

Friendship doesn’t have to be perfect or constant—but it does need to be tended to. In a world nudging us toward solitude, choosing to show up for each other is a small act of resistance—and maybe the most human one we have. So call that friend for dinner sometime. Take care my friends.

Citing :

We are humans, you will know the difference between good and evil and if you dont you can begin with the Bible, Bagavadgita or Friedrich Nietzsche - Beyond Good and Evil. Im kidding.

When we are making friends, give only as much as you can afford to let go and only expect as much as you give. Start small and go from there, it may first be daunting but do start. When all else fails, trust in yourself. Dont give up friends.

3 Big Lessons to take away from this talk (excerpts from the study):

1. Social connections are really good for us, and loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected with their families, society, and friends are happier, physically healthier, and live longer.

2. The quality of the close relationships we have matters, and living in a high-conflict relationship turns out to be worse than being divorced.

3. Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies but also our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship with another person in your 80s is protective — where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need — and those people's memories stay sharper longer.

What we know from this is that we need to learn how to be a good friend to others, know how to resolve conflicts as they arise, and strive to live a smoother, more fulfilling life.

We need to learn hot to always make friends as we go and be resilient about keeping them, people come and go but as you sharpen your friend making skills - more people would stick around and if they dont you`ve learned a lesson or two - just dont give up in making more new friends.

SO - the big questions arise from all these is where can one start. As usual here`s a short list that you can take my advice on.

a. Join a club of your liking and attend their meet ups - be it online or in person. Like a pickleball meet or, hiking , or morning parties at cafes that end at lunch time.

b. Join a cause or a charaty group and help the needy, you`re sure to find like minded people to make friends with and helping people at the same time.

c. Go to your religious gatherings, be it at a Church, Monastry, Temples or Shrines and mingle around with the folks there - you`re bound to make some friends.

d. Attend a group workout session or hiking.

e. Take a group class to making something, like pottery, pastry or even arts and crafts like painting or printmaking.

f. Join a local gym or a spin class - this is some of the easiest.

g. Rent a lot at a co-working space and make friends there - you need to migle around or it wont work. Set a card on your desk saying “You can always say hello - I dont bite” to encourage people to approach you.

h. Join a board game night at your local games store.

i. Join a DnD session - search some close to your home or online and sign up for it.

Good luck friends.

Cite : https://agsjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jgs.19511#xd_co_f=MzRiMTNhZjEtMmIyZi00MzNhLWEyZDktZGEwN2YxMDBiZjg5~

„Glück ist wie ein Schmetterling: Je mehr du es jagst, desto mehr entzieht es sich dir. Aber wenn du deine Aufmerksamkeit auf andere Dinge richtest, kommt es und setzt sich sanft auf deine Schulter.“

We are all afraid to make friends, because there would have been 1 or too many times of an incident that we may have lost our friends over a huge misunderstanding, we just end up being not friends anymore because we or they made an ereversable mistake. No one really gets over a friendship if it mattered.

However today`s lesson is something different, its not how we can heal from a broken friendship - that comes after. Today its about ; despite knowing that your heart will be broken you carry on to love and make and be a good friend. Know that someday friendship may be wiped out at a moment`s notice and you maybe left with a broken heart. You should know this and set your expectations well - at the end of day we are all going to die except Bryan Johnson.

Its going to be hard to know how far the frienship will go, but trust that you`re a good friend for them and be that person. Its that simple - then bond hard and be on your best behaviour. There will rarely be anyone out they that will go out of their way to hurt you - everyone is busy living in their own world. If you somehow let them see the garden that you have built within you - they might just stay a lil while.

Love unconditionally and god speed my friends.

‘Rat Park’ is the name given to a series of studies beginning in the 1970s and led by Bruce K. Alexander in his laboratory at Simon Fraser University, Vancouver, Canada, where he found that rats living in a social environment were less likely to self-administer oral morphine than those housed in isolation. 

citation: Rat Park Study 

This was the case study undertaken to study addiction howver if we dive deep - they were just all happy to have the community around them and had no need to have the morphine laced water. Isolation is bad for us and that is what we here are tying to equip you with the best tools to make friend and keep them too. The opposite of addiction is not sobrierty its connection.

In the society where many feel isolated, we all want to belong somewhere people would be kind, nice and want to know us more. However we must first be able to know us better and begin to work on ourselves. I have some of the best tried and tested method on how we can be that friend. Baby steps..

Today i have an excercise for you, its one that’s very simple and will gradually grow in you - the idea is to nature a garden within you.

First Ever Excercise - say your greetings to your friend by either texting them or better yet calling them directly. This can be as simple as “ Good Morning”, “What’s up?” or “Hey how you been, hope you`re doing great”.

Here are some suggestions and key points to follow

1. Lead the conversation with something positive and lite. “ I missed you” or “ Was just thinking about you yesterday”

2. Offer some genuine compliments. “Just dropping by to say I appreciate your existence.”

3. Give a silly or a simple update, like “ I just got my haircut - they serice here is fantastic - we should go here together next time”

4. Suggest a meet up for coffee, pizza or movie nights.

5. Drinks ?? !!

6. Try to end the convo with a warm note and leave the window open to avoid making them feel too cornerd.

Its should be with intentions, good luck friends.

Share How to a be (good) Friend.

Citations : https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/add.14481

I’ve realised that many people are looking to make friends but don’t seem to cultivate the right set of attitudes to be a good friends. It may seem vague but I see this all the time, take this Substack like a supplement if you will. The idea here is knowing how to be an exceptional friend first along the as we make friends

Hence forth begins this Substack of mine - How to be a great friend. Welcome.